RUNNER UP: "Mentoring - It's NOT Just for the Mentee!"
Elaine Weyuker, AT&T Labs - Research, mentor
Yan Gu, Georgia Institute of Technology, protégé

Yan Gu's story: I learned about MentorNet's program from a school email. As I just entered the new school, I was eager to try anything new, and MentorNet seemed to be what I needed, especially in the Computer Science department within the engineering graduate school where women are such a minority. While filling out the application, I doubted whether this kind of Internet mentoring relationship would really work. I kept my choices of mentor open as I did not want to have just another academic advisor, but I also felt a little bit worried whether the mentor would have the background to give the sort of guidance and advice that I need. I was very surprised to find out my mentor, Elaine, is one of a few female members of National Academy of Engineering, with experience in both academia and industry. That is definitely much higher than my expectation.

By talking with Yan about my experiences, I often get new insights into how others see me, or how I see myself... ~ Elaine Weyuker

I felt both honored and somewhat nervous about what to talk about with Elaine. Could my problems in study and in life be too trivial to talk about with someone with responsibilities for big projects and a super-busy schedule? Elaine took the initiative to tell me about her experiences ranging from growing up in a poor family to being a rare female engineering graduate student and a professor. That impressed me and I felt ensured that I could talk with Elaine about many things.

Since I am still early in my Ph.D. program, one thing we have focused on is my thesis advisor and topic choice. My department offers a lot of freedom, and so I needed to set priorities in making this choice. Elaine helped me with advice from her own experience as a Ph.D. student and as a thesis advisor. She clarified several misunderstandings that a graduate student might have with her own experience. I had been concerned that once I had worked with an advisor, I would have to stick to that research area so it seemed to me that the most important criterion in choosing an advisor is to have one whose topic is the most promising. Elaine showed me that a thesis advisor is an important choice but it does not determine a student's entire future. It is more important to see if the advisor's style matches the student's. She also pointed out that one might change their research area later on in their career with her own experience of moving from computer theory to software engineering, and from academia to industry. Now I can work with an advisor that I am happy with and also be confident that I will be able to do well in my future research and career. Elaine also gave me tips on how to pass qualifying exams, recommended resources for women in engineering, and told me her experience on paper publications. With Elaine to consult with about problems at graduate school, I can avoid unnecessary mistakes and focus more on my academic goals.

From the e-mentoring program, I not only got a mentor who provides me with help in my study, but also a good friend that opens a new world to me. I heard interesting stories about Elaine's family, seen photos taken by her daughter and even shared Elaine's highs and lows in life. We talk about doing exercises to keep fit, knitting, and dancing. Since we both enjoy traveling, we can exchange opinions and tips about national parks we visited. Despite our different national backgrounds, we learned a lot from each other's cultures such as holidays and food. To my joy Elaine really knows a lot about China and I have the opportunity to know something about Jewish people which I did not know such as how Jewish people keep their traditions through generations.

Elaine and I have now had the mentoring relationship for almost two years. Although I did not initially expect much from the program, I am really proud to have a mentor with great success and valuable experiences, and a great friend that will be part of my life in many ways.

Elaine Weyuker's story: As Yan described, we have been a team, discussing both professional and personal issues such as our families, and what life was like in our very different communities. Yan is from China, and has not seen her family in several years. Like many other foreign students, she's concerned about leaving the country for fear that she will have visa problems when she tries to return. I know that it must be very lonely for her, so I try to share my family with her, from my 89 year old mother to my 16 year old daughter.

In many ways, Yan and I come from very different cultures. Yan is from WuHan in the central part of China, while I grew up in New York City. But in spite of the obvious differences, we have a lot in common. I've learned a great deal about Chinese culture from Yan and I am the richer for it. We both grew up in cities of 8 million people. We both come from ancient cultures whose festivals and holidays are determined by a lunar calendar. That means that some of our holidays occur at the same times because they are tied to the seasons. We both grew up in small, two bedroom apartments with no air conditioning even though it was very hot during the summers.

Yan is unfailingly interested, kind, and never afraid to state her assumptions or expectations, especially when they are different from what I've told her. This often causes me to think about what my own assumptions, and to look at things in new ways. When I've won an award, she is excited and proud of me. When my paper is accepted at a conference or journal, she celebrates my success. I told her that a recent paper of mine was rejected from a conference. I wanted her to know that even though I am well-established and have had many successes, there are also sometimes disappointments. This surprised her and made me examine more closely my feelings and expectations and to think about healthy ways to react to disappointments.

I wanted Yan to know that although it's easy to feel that you're a failure because your paper was rejected, we are not synonymous with our work, even if we've worked long and hard on it. I realized that there is an alternative to either giving up or being angry. You can instead learn and move forward. By talking with Yan about my experiences, I often get new insights into how others see me, or how I see myself, and I'm very grateful to Yan for all she's taught me, and for her friendship. I truly expect our friendship will continue and grow long after she has finished her studies. She is special and insightful and I look forward to the day that we get to meet in person.