The prospect of a mentoring relationship can be a little daunting, especially if you've never been involved in one. You may worry about meeting high expectations—or not know what to expect. But our experience and analysis of successful pairings shows that if you follow a few simple guidelines, the experience can be fun as well as helpful. Here are a few tips on how mentors as well as protégés can get the most from their relationship:
Set expectations right away.
Talk about why you wanted a mentor or to be a mentor, what you want to get from the experience, and what your concerns and top issues are. Don't forget to discuss the nuts and bolts of communicating with each other, such as when you tend to answer emails, when you'll be away on vacation, and so on.
Share information about yourself early.
MentorNet relationships tend to last only an academic year, so early on, share as much about yourself as you feel comfortable with. If you're a student, it will help your mentor get a clear picture of who you are and help you solve problems. If you're a mentor, it will give your protégé insight into what kinds of questions to ask and how you might help her. MentorNet provides a great list of information that's important to share in its mentor and protégé guides, which are available to participants on the web site.
Expand discussions beyond work.
You don't need to share every detail of your life, but knowing a bit about your mentor or protégé's likes and dislikes and sharing family news and recreational interests can deepen the relationship and give you a better understanding of your mentor or protégé. A MentorNet study of exemplary pairs found that informal discussions and mutual interests helped build trust, laying the foundation for tackling more challenging questions.
Be responsive and communicate clearly.
A big reason matches fail is poor communication—one or both partners simply stop emailing, for example, or respond only erratically. MentorNet recommends emailing once a week, but relationships can thrive on less frequent, more in-depth communications. Above all, be attentive to your messages, and ask and answer questions thoughtfully. If you don't have time to write a comprehensive answer, send a quick note saying you'll do it on the weekend.
Share your successes.
The nature of mentoring tends to lead participants to focus on problems and how to solve them—and that's OK. But we can also learn from successes. protégés might talk about a paper or research project that received high praise, and mentors can share their own successes, past and present.
Be open and honest.
If your protégé or mentor is doing something that bothers you (say, emailing so frequently you feel barraged, or not answering questions) bring it up. Minor issues left to fester can turn a relationship sour, so don't let concerns go unaddressed. Similarly, if there's something you need to know or you have a problem you need help with, don't be afraid to ask.
These tips were excerpted from MentorNet's online guides and publications; for more information on our One-on-One program, visit http://www.mentornet.net/documents/about/programs/one_on_one.aspx. We also encourage you to pay attention to the prompts MentorNet sends periodically. Some may not apply to your situation, but in many cases they will spark an important discussion or otherwise move your relationship along.